So you finally faced your fears, faced vaginismus head on, and are able to start rebuilding yourself.... now what?? For many this can be extremly exciting but full of the unknown. Many of you have never had sex or have not had sex (at least pain free sex) for years. You feel like a full on adult stepping back into the teenage years on wobble legs. Lets put to rest those insecurities and embrace the passion that life is going to give you, the passion you so deserve!
1.) Don't be so hard on yourself - Embrace this new journey. Know that you will stumble. Some days, especially at the begining, that things will not go so smoothly. Be okay with that, expect that. On those days either take your time to slowly move forwad (never rush) or explore other ways for that day to further intimacy. Do not let the little bumps get to you... it is part of the journey... do not close yourself off from your partner during those moments. Instead open yourself even more... talk to him or her. Same for the partner, hold her during those moments. Do not make a big deal out of them. These rough patches will smooth themselves out if you are patient. Enjoy getting to know your partner again!
2.) Communicate - This is crucial!!! Communicate on what feels good, where your comfort zone lies. Talk through the entire process, especially at the begining! Communicate during foreplay. Pay attention to other subtle clues on what is going on between you two. For many this part of your life has been closed off for so long you both have to figure not only each other out but yourself out again. The women need to listen to their partner as well. Both people have to completely understanding of where each person is coming from. Enjoy the process!!!
3) Be Playful - Don't be so serious. Intimacy used to be such an uncomfortable topic but now is the time to start breaking down those walls. Laugh, play, giggle. Sex is suppose to be fun, if both people can laugh at the not so perfect moments you will both start to relax and enjoy the process.
4) This is a Process - Take your time!!! If you only get half way there on certain days or even much less than that... that's okay and completely normal! Remember how far you have come. Do not let yourself get down. That only brings stress and will set you back further. Recovering from vaginismus is a process, not something that is just fixed over night and different for each individual. That is what makes us all special. Enjoy each moment you now have with your partner. Use these moments to bring you closer.
5) Learn Each Other And Yourself - Start to explore each other... what feels good for your partner, what feels good for you. Communicate that.... remember intercourse is just part of it. Enjoy foreplay... that is where you really create that intimacy with your partner. For many, because sex was off the table, all forms of intimacy was also off the table. Bring that back. Explore eachother's bodies fully.... enjoy each other fully. This is an exciting time... you two are getting to know each other on a whole other level. Take advantage of it!
6) AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HAVE FUN!!!!!
I cannot express all these points enough. Enjoy the process, celebrate your triumphs, and brush off or even laugh at your stumbles. Fly free sparrows!!! You are now embarking on a life without walls. A life to embrace. Love your partner... love yourself!!!!